lisa. | 17. | chicago.
A battle between remembering and forgetting.
Things I Enjoy: Music. Long Hugs. Sun. Winter. Clarinets. Peeling sun-burnt skin. Band. Singing. Self- destruction. Unique Laughs. Good smells. Taking long walks. Hoodies. Makeup.
You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you don’t even have a name for.
If I read our story backwards, it’s about how I un-broke your heart, and then we were happy until one day, you forgot about me forever.
When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.
Let someone love you just as you are. As flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you might feel, as unaccomplished as you might think you are; let someone love you just as you are. And let that someone be you.